The Inattentive Wife

While most couples yearn to build a family together and almost everyone can agree that children are a gift, increasing the members of the household from 2 to 3 or 4 or 5 or more can mean trouble. 

Too commonly, wives who become new mothers find themselves overburdened and stressed out and begin focusing all their energies toward the children, and neglecting their husbands in the process.

So we're going to explore why this happens, who – if anyone – is to blame, what the consequences are, and what married couples can do to prevent this from ever happening in the first place! Of course, to find the solution, it's crucial to have a real understanding on what the problem is.

There are many reasons new mothers today often feel too overwhelmed to give their husbands the attention they need. One of those more obvious reasons is that many women today have a lot of roles to juggle, more than they did in the past. For example, in addition to being a wife and a mother, they more and more commonly have full-time jobs too, careers they care about. And even with the help of nannies and babysitters, women can find themselves in over their heads. And if they don't feel they have a supportive husband, they may consciously or unconsciously resent their husbands and end up neglecting them. The combination of being pressured from the weight of the world and feeling resentful about it can spell conflict or perhaps something even worse – the mother and father can become strangers in their own home.

Children are a real handful, especially for young parents who may not have been prepared for the new additions to their home. As wonderful as they are, they also are a financial, emotional, and physical strain. A new baby means you can kiss those peaceful evenings goodbye and say hello to sleepless nights and hurried, hectic days. The rewards are tremendous, but that doesn't mean there isn't a significant amount of sacrifice parents must make if they choose to introduce a new human being or two into the world!

If a wife is struggling with her role as parent or she feels a distance with her husband, she may dive headfirst into being a mother and end up ignoring other obligations she has. Who's to blame? Well, it's not as black and white as that.

It may seem a cliché piece of advice, but communication really is key to an enduring marriage. It's better to be confrontational and openly fight about troublesome issues, rather than bury them. After all, they will only bubble up at the surface later and cause even more of a headache down the road. If you are a husband who misses the wife you knew before the children entered the picture, try to put yourself in her shoes.

Is she balancing a full-time job with parenting? Is she having to discipline and care for the child more than you? Does she perhaps feel like she's not giving her children enough attention when she gives you attention? The answers to these questions very well could be “no,” and in that case, you simply have to ask more questions.

You shouldn't approach it with the intention to find some way to point the finger at her. A marriage shouldn't be one big “blame game.” Instead, try to see things from her perspective. Ask her these questions, without instantly preparing to hop to the defense.

If she's consuming herself with childcare and only sees you as a background figure, there's a reason. She may feel resentful toward you for reasons A, B, or C, or perhaps she has some of her own emotional troubles she's dealing with, or perhaps – and more likely – there is a combination of factors that have led to the unfortunate new relationship the two have you have developed after the baby. Children are a true distraction from several and relatively less important matters. However, if you or your wife are using children to avoid issues relating to the health of your marriage, then you simply can't let that go on. Children should not be the reason you don't talk about an issue that's bothering you! In fact, you owe to to the children to discuss issues and even argue from time to time.

As a husband, you can show your wife you care by doing the laundry one day, or taking the kids out for dinner (to get them out of her hair) and letting her have a night to herself, and you can do these things without her ever asking you to. Doing little things like this can make a big difference and remind her that you are there to give her support.

Only because we're discussing women who neglect their husbands after children enter the picture, are we illustrating the role of father and mother in this narrow light. It's possible you are in a household where you, the husband, share as many or more parenting and other “domestic” responsibilities as your wife; but if that's the case, you'd be less likely to read this article!

Remember that if talking it over with your wife doesn't work, it's okay to go to couple's therapy. In fact, it can be enormously beneficial to your marriage. And if you have any doubts about getting outside help, just consider what the alternative might be – an unhappy marriage that eventually might erode and end up in a messy divorce. If you recognize there's a real problem, you still have the power to save your marriage so as you try to fix it, let love and compassion motivate your direction.

Source: http://www.professorshouse.com/Relationships/Marriage-Advice/Articles/The-Inattentive-Wife/

Birthweight link to lifelong health

A baby's lifetime health is largely decided before birth

Why does one person die younger and another survive to old age? Lifestyle and genetic factors play a role, but argues Prof David Barker, a better predictor of future health is our birthweight and what it tells us about our development in the womb.

Heart disease, cancer, diabetes. These are some of the chronic diseases that determine lifespan.

We know some of the causes such as hardening of the arteries, rising blood pressure or insulin resistance, but why do some people suffer them more than others?

Obesity, cigarette smoking and psychosocial stress have all been implicated. Genes offer another possibility but they are unlikely to explain why coronary heart disease was rare 100 years ago but is now the commonest cause of death around the world.

Our search for ways to prevent today's chronic diseases has largely failed. Soon there will be 250 million people with diabetes worldwide, yet many of those are neither overweight nor inactive.

One of the most striking studies of the causes of diabetes was carried out in rural India among villagers living what might be considered a model lifestyle. They typically ate a vegetarian diet, were physically active and thin. Yet diabetes was prevalent.

Long-term studies there and elsewhere have shown that people who develop chronic disease often grew differently to other people in the womb and during childhood. Their birthweights tend to be towards the lower end of the normal range.

It seems people are like motorcars. They can break down if they are driven on rough roads but that is more likely if they were badly made in the first place.

Our early development in the womb sets up our constitution, how vulnerable we are to negative things that we encounter and how we will cope with them for the rest of our lives.

Genetic switches 

 

Like other living creatures, our own development in the womb and during infancy is moulded by our environment, in particular the nutrition we receive. 

The unique person that you are was not determined at conception, but by the interplay between the genes you acquired and the nutrition you did or did not receive as you developed.

If crucial genes are not switched on during foetal development as they should be, that can permanently change the structure and function of an unborn baby for life. 

The Dutch wartime famine has provided lifelong case studies

Malnutrition and other adverse factors also slow growth, which is why chronic disease is associated with low birthweight. 

It is a simple matter to alter the diet of a pregnant animal and show that its offspring have higher blood pressures, are obese or are unable to control how much sugar there is in their blood. 

History has also provided us with real-life examples of the same effects on humans. 

In the final stages of German occupation in World War II, the Netherlands suffered a five-month famine with a resulting fall in the average weight of babies born at the time. Lifetime studies of some of those people, now more than 60 years old, show they have suffered greater risk of high blood pressure, raised cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes and breast cancer than their brothers and sisters.

Around the world in China, America, Europe, the Middle East, records of low birthweight have also been linked to higher instance of poorer lifetime health.

Critical periods

 

Like many living things, the human baby is challenged and does not have sufficient resource to perfect every aspect of its body. So we have a hierarchy of priorities.

Brain growth is at the top and the development of organs such as the kidney and lungs, which do not function in the womb, are at the bottom. Their development can be traded off against other priorities.

“Start Quote

Prevention of chronic disease... depends largely on the improvement in the nutrition of girls and young women”

Prof David Barker

 

For most organs there is a critical period during development when a system or organ has to mature. These periods are brief; they occur at different times for different systems; and for most systems they occur in the womb. Only the brain, liver and immune system continue to develop after birth.

If an organ fails to mature during that critical period, it has permanent consequences. For example, the capacity of our kidneys to do their job is determined at 36 weeks of gestation, and measured by the number of functioning units or nephrons in the organ.

More nephrons is good because it reduces the risk of high blood pressure. Some people have three times as many, and that was determined in the womb. For the unborn baby, the kidney is a low priority organ because the mother serves as the baby's kidney until birth.

The unborn baby is nourished by its mother's body. But that does not just mean what its mother eats each day. That would be far too dangerous a strategy. What she eats during pregnancy does matter.

But the baby's development depends more on the food stored in her body and on the way her body handles food, which is the product of her lifetime nutrition. This will decide her baby's health in later life. 

Improving nutrition

The birthweight of a baby reflects how well it was nourished in the womb and the risk of chronic disease in later life.

It is better to be 7lb (3.2kg) at birth than 6lb - better to be 8lb than 7lb. This implies that variations in the supply of food from normal healthy mothers to normal healthy babies have huge implications for the long-term health of the baby. 

So what are the lessons?

Prevention of chronic disease, allowing more of us to be healthier for longer, depends largely on the improvement in the nutrition of girls and young women. 

Many babies in the womb in Britain and around the world today are receiving unbalanced and inadequate diets.

Coronary heart disease, type 2 diabetes, breast cancer and other chronic diseases are unnecessary. Their occurrence is not mandated by genes passed down to us through thousands of years of evolution.

Chronic diseases are not the inevitable lot of humankind. They are the result of the changing pattern of human development. We could readily prevent them, had we the will to do so.

Source : BBC

MY COLICKY LITTLE BABY

eu-pho-ri-a [yoo-fawr-ee-uh, -fohr-] - a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being

This is the perfect word to describe what we felt from the first time we laid eyes on our super little baby until... it was shattered by nonstop high-pitched screams that lasted for up to three hours.

Being first-time parents, we were unsure as to what to do and how how to comfort our super little baby. I remember feeling so helpless and scared because my hubby had to go to work and I had to deal with these bouts of screaming and crying by myself. I was so scared that my baby was in pain that I began searching the Web for answers and came back with very helpful answers. My research led me to believe that my baby had colic which was confirmed by her pedia.

Here is the article from babycenter.com.ph, I hope it could help you as it did me:

What exactly is colic?

About 20 percent of all babies develop colic, a catch-all phrase for uncontrollable crying in an otherwise healthy baby. A baby with colic cries or fusses for more than three hours a day, for more than three days in one week. It occurs with equal frequency among first- and later-born children, and in boys and girls.

It's hard to know who finds colic harder, a parent or a baby. A colicky baby is obviously in distress, uncomfortable, and can't soothe himself. But a parent can be just as upset -- listening to a baby's cry for hours on end is enough to drive you to tears of your own.

How can I tell if my baby has colic?

All babies cry sometimes; in fact, the average baby cries about two and a half hours a day. But in addition to persistent crying, a colicky baby looks truly uncomfortable. He may alternately extend or pull up his legs and pass wind. Colic usually occurs between 6 p.m. and midnight, though it can occur around the clock, generally becoming worse in the evening.

Generally, a baby becomes colicky around two to four weeks and is over it by about three months or, in less fortunate cases, six to nine months.

Is colic serious?

Not really -- apart from the household tension it creates. However, it is wise to seek assurance from your doctor that the root of your child's prolonged crying isn't a hernia or other medical problem.

Why do some babies get colic?

Scientists have been trying to answer that question for more than 50 years. It's often blamed on the baby's immature digestive system. In fact, the word colic comes from a Greek word, kolikos, which roughly translates as "colon." There is also some science to back this up. For instance, a newborn's digestive tract contains very few enzymes or digestive juices, which break down food substances. Or, according to some, a child's still-developing nervous system simply tenses up. Others subscribe to the theory that the baby is tired or overstimulated, and that colic is his way of blocking everything out so he can sleep. Babies who are exposed to smoke are also more likely to develop colic.

There are other theories on what causes colic. Among them are over-feeding or under-feeding, introducting solids too early, inadequate burping, and incorrect feeding positions. BabyCenter Philippines pediatrician Dra. Cynthia Castrillo suggests always feeding your baby in a semi-upright position (never flat on bed) and to allow adequate time for burping in between and after a feed. You can try keeping your baby in a semi-upright position for about 15 or 20 minutes after your baby has burped instead of putting her down right away. This helps in the transit of food along the intestinal tract and may aid in preventing reflux of the feed along the intestinal tract, which is another condition associated with colic.

Should I bring my colicky baby to the doctor?

If you are concerned about your baby's colic, talk to your doctor. Colic can either be physiologic or normal, meaning that your baby will outgrow it at around 4 to 6 months old, or colic may be organic. A thorough examination can determine if organic causes are factors in a baby's colic. You will be asked to rovide your doctor with information about your baby's feeding schedules, amount of feeds, feeding habits and practices, burping techniques, even the conditions at home when it comes to her feeding, burping, pacifying, sleeping, as well as a family history of related conditions.

I've heard colic is caused by the mother's diet. Is this true?

Both formula and breast milk can be linked to a baby's colic.

Occasionally breastfed babies become colicky because of something in their mother's diet. Some moms find that if they stop drinking cow's milk and other dairy products, the situation improves. If you're breastfeeding, try cutting out dairy products for a few days to see if that makes a difference. If your baby's colic improves, you have your culprit. If not, don't give up hope -- and at least you won't need to deprive yourself of butter and milk.

Some breastfed babies seem to be bothered if mom indulges in a lot of spicy food, wheat products, or cruciferous vegetables. Again, to test if these foods are making your baby uncomfortable, avoid eating cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, garlic, caffeine, alcohol, and other irritants for a few days. If your baby seems better, reintroduce the foods into your diet, one at a time, allowing a few days between reintroductions. It should be fairly easy to pinpoint which one is causing your baby problems: If he starts fussing again after a food is reintroduced, then you'll know that's the offending substance. You'll have to abstain from it until your baby outgrows his sensitivity, which usually at around 3 months, but that's a small price to pay for a happy child.

If your baby is bottle-fed, you might try switching formulas to see if that's the irritant. And whether you're feeding your baby formula or breast milk, make sure that you're burping him during and after feedings -- it helps relieve the pressure that builds up when he swallows air.

Will all that crying hurt my child?

In truth, it may be more painful for the parents who must endure the alternately heart-rending and irritating crying of a child. Colicky babies do just fine. "In spite of hours of crying," wrote the venerable Dr. Spock, "they continue to gain weight, not just average-well but better than average. They are hungry babies. They gulp down their whole feeding." And one study even found that colicky babies turned out to be better problem solvers later in life.

Meanwhile, you can try our tips to get your baby -- and you -- through colic.

source: http://www.babycenter.com.ph/baby/health/colic/

Funny Babies

Bedtime Baby -Toddler Lullaby - Fisher Price song - Bubbles & Balls

 

 

Funny Babies

THE RECOVERY

Many say that you wake up disoriented after surgery because of the effect of anesthesia. This was not true for me. It was like I never slept. The moment I opened my eyes I knew exactly where I was and why I was there. I was actually anxious to see my baby already!

Day 1 - After two hours in the recovery room, it was time to be transferred to my room. It was no walk in the park. They had to transfer me from bed to stretcher to bed by literally carrying me. Take note that they had to lift me like a rolled carpet, all straight and rigid. If not for the drowsiness I would have laughed at the absurdity! What hospital makes doors that does not fit a stretcher?

We initially stayed at a three-bed ward but then transferred to a small private room. I remember waking from sleep because I hear myself snore. Apparently, I snored loudly. Well, I was really tired! I didn't know that after surgery you should not talk because it could cause gas pains. Stupidly, I talked to my in-laws every waking moment and boy did I pay for that!

Day 2 - After years of giving bed baths to my patients, it was finally my turn to experience one. I don't know if surgery does that or giving birth in general, but my being nude was the least of my worries. I felt pain every time I move or turn sideways. The nurse advised me to move so that I would recover quickly.

By lunch time, I remember feeling the first pangs of gas pains. I was literally paralyzed by pain. To make matters worse, they already took out my Foley catheter. Who knew that urinating in a diaper was so hard?! It took me four hours before I could urinate freely thanks to a nursing aide who elevated the head part of my bed. Because of that small victory, I was inspired to sit and dangle my legs at the side of the bed.

Viewing time at the Nursery was just 6 pm - 7 pm for the day. My hubby would take pictures and videos of our baby so that I could see her even though I still could not walk. These pictures, and the hospital bill, motivated me even more to walk! By that evening, I was able to walk to the CR with the help of hubby.

Day 3 - I passed gas already, I was on full diet, and I could walk without support. The doctor told us that I can be discharged already the following day! We contemplated staying through the weekend but our hospital bill was already huge because of all the STAT procedures done to me. To make matters worse, because of my prolonged and tedious labor, our baby was able to swallow meconium and needed to stay at the NICU for seven days to receive and completer her antibiotic therapy. Weighing everything in my head, I decided that we should go home the following day.

That night we were the first by the Nursery window to see our little princess! She was so pretty and just the thought that my pride and hard-headedness was the reason she needed antibiotics at such an early age brought tears to my eyes.

Day 4 - Anxiety and guilt. These feelings were swirling around my heart the day of my discharge. Anxious because we had to go home and leave our precious baby. Guilty because she was suffering due to my stupidity. During my prayer time, God reminded me that everything has its reason for happening and this was just another obstacle that we had to go through.

I was discharged that day and was supposed to leave the hospital by 1 pm. However, I learned that I could breastfeed my baby in the Nursery. They had this room dedicated for breastfeeding mothers. Our 1 pm discharge time became 7 pm!

My path to recovery was definitely one that I would remember forever. It taught me that prayer really is very powerful. Also, the saying 'Mind over matter' is important and true. I said to myself, "No pain would ever trump that of labor pain." With this in mind, I trudged on one foot in front of the other towards home.